Jealousy
So, there was a time and there are still times that I struggle so much with calling feelings by their name. I was embarrassed of what people would think about me, I was even embarrassed what would God think about me if I prayed about it. So, I would pray these long prayers trying to describe what I felt to God without addressing the specific feeling by name.
I have been trying to create a habit of reading books that help build my faith, trust, and relationship with God. So, I read this book called “What on earth am I here for?” by Rick Warren. In this book there is a specific chapter called “Developing your friendship with God”. Rick writes, I quote:
“The first building block of a deeper friendship with God is complete honesty – about your faults and your feelings. God doesn’t expect you to be perfect, but he does insist on complete honesty”.
With that in mind and heart i began practicing it. I recall hearing good news from a friend that a prayer has been answered. So of course I was genuinely happy for my friend, but I was also waiting and hoping for an answered prayer on a specific matter. The longer I thought about it I started feeling jealousy creeping in, because i also wanted my prayer to be answered. So, I immediately caught myself and ran to God and told Him exactly what I was feeling and thinking, I called the feeling by its name, Jealousy. God that is so faithful and truth to His ways blessed me with a verse. It wasn’t a new verse, but the Holy Spirit revealed the depth of this verse.
Those too lazy to plow in the right season will have no food at the harvest. - Proverbs 20:4
I remember writing this down with tears in my eyes. How can I allow jealousy to creep in about a blessing of my friend? I did not plow, when she plowed with other words I did not pray when she prayed. I did not fast when she fasted. I wasn’t there when she was crying out loud to God. So how can I expect her harvest?
I need to focus on my own harvest. I need to delight in the Lord I need to quit all laziness and plow. And the Lord that is oh so faithful will in time take care of my harvest. He will bless me beyond my expectations.
A de Wind - Jansen
